Beatrix Potter Blog

Natasha asked:


okay, so for my english homework, I had to write a story. I’m 13 years old. Does this story sound okay? and can someone please check for punctuation and spelling mistakes? (english spelling please, not american)

The Mystery Land

One hot summer day, a group of four young girls no older than fifteen met at a shopping centre. They were looking for nice dressy clothes. Jess, the youngest of the four girls went into the change rooms to try on a pair of jeans when she noticed she was in another land. The land was green with a lot of very tall trees and bushes and with grass everywhere. There was also an unusual kind of coldness. It wasn’t the coldness that you would usually feel. It was more the kind of feeling you get when you wet your face and stand in front of a fan. Jess could only see one building in the whole land from where she was standing. It looked like a very large castle.

Back at the shopping centre, after about ten minutes of the other three girls waiting for Jess to come out, they became frightened as to what might have happened to her. They decided to go into the change rooms to look for her but they found nothing but two walls. As they walked a bit further down the corridor, they were teleported and soon found themselves in the same land that Jess was in.

Frightened, the three girls started to search for Jess. When they finally found her, they heard something coming towards them. It sounded like horses were galloping faster and faster towards them. Getting more scared than they already were, they all jumped into a bush. They heard something mumbling to its self then out popped a large fluffy rabbit with pink droopy ears and thick fur, thicker than you would have ever seen before. He said to the girls, “What? How? How did you get here?” Before the girls could even reply, the rabbit said “Quick hide, the evil dog is coming!” Bianca, Jess, Paige and Amy said one after another, “The evil dog?!” The rabbit, getting quite annoyed that they were so loud, said “Shhh! He’s coming!” The dog went past and slowly came to a halt and turned around. Paige, still confused how they all got there in the first place and why the dog had two heads said “I’m scared! Let’s get out of here.” The dog came closer to the bush and started sniffing, then ran back the same way he had come from. The rabbit said “Yes, so how did you get here?” and Bianca, being a really loud and confident girl, replied saying “Well, Jess went into the change rooms to try on a pair of jeans and then we went in to look for her and then the next thing we know, we’re all here.” “Well if you ask me, that sounds pretty unbelievable.” said the rabbit. “Oh Mr Rabbit, it’s true, it really is. We’re still confused about how we got here too” said Amy, the oldest of the four girls. The rabbit said “Very well then. You can just call me Peter. So you like shopping do you?” “Yes Peter, we love shopping more than anything” says Jess. “Well I guess you’ll like the place I’m going to take you to then” Peter said. Peter was just standing there while the four girls whispered to one another. They were deciding whether they should trust Peter or not. After discussing it for a few minutes, Peter says “Well, come on then. Are you coming or not?” The girls decided they would just follow him and if something really dangerous happens, like if the evil dog tries to attack them or something like that, then they would all leave straight away. Peter led them up a hill, to the castle Jess had seen earlier. It was a really large, old looking castle even larger than the shopping centre they go to every Tuesday. The girls were very quiet walking up the hill.

When they got to the castle, Peter pushed open the big squeaky doors. They must have been at least five times larger than Peter himself. They each walked in and found that they were surrounded with clothes. Amy said in amazement, “Wow! It’s amazing in here!” Inside the castle, the four walls were all different colours, blue, red, yellow and green. There were also very weird looking animals, one of which had an elephant’s head, but a cat’s body. It seemed to the girls that they were the only humans in the land.

The clothes in the castle were all different sizes, fitting each and every one of the girls perfectly. There were clothes that the girls had never even seen before in normal shops, but they were much more beautiful. There were also really nice rings, bracelets and necklaces in the castle. Jess was staring at them in amazement, when Jaidyn, an oversized mouse that was half the size of Jess herself, says “Come on, you can have a look, I won’t bite.” Jess slowly walked up to look at the bracelets and asks, “How much would this cost?” Jaidyn said “That will be 20 cents”. Jess, being really surprised about the price, calls Bianca over to look the jewellery, as she loves rings very much. Bianca went over to Jess and said “This place is so cool! Jaidyn, how much does this one cost?” Jaidyn said “1

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